Bio ~ Fantasy Marks

I spent many years in areas of study in which I had no gifts. My reigning interests and strengths had involved pencil and paper. I don't mean graphing inequalities. I mean in storytelling, drawing, planning more story-telling and drawing. I spent years going to college in physics and biology, earning average grades. I finally finished up my degree taking advertising, playwriting, street dance, and other expressive, creative courses. It was amazing how my grades morphed into A's.

I had tried to program myself to behave more like a supercomputer. I tried to delve past the tip of the iceberg in every subject I could. From the sciences to religion, I hoped to grasp them and masterfully comprehend their truths. However, I do not think my meager intellect could contain the massive amount of data, organize it and utilize it fruitfully. I should have been developing educational plays to explain molecular motion or collaging viruses for galleries than trying to be a laboratory researcher. I wish I would not have believed it when folks told me early in life that the arts are worthless... believing that lie wasted a lot of my time.

Still being an artist innately, I had entered the sciences believing I would comprehend the intricate dance of life... explore the molecular behavior... observe and calculate the unseen. Essentially, I desired to have "scrapbooks" of all things studied. I filled so many pages with writings and illustrations on what I was attempting to learn. In the laboratory I would think of what I wanted to discover on a personal level. How do toxins make their way from soil to plant tissue... see scrapbook #349. I visualized the beauty and mystery of actions and reactions in the world and wanted to take my mental imagery and explain it in terms I had trouble understanding (mathmatical). I wanted palpable material which spelled out the minutiae and seemingly inexplicable. I yearned to have math and art combine. Sadly, I'm a miserable calculator and I did not belong in that capillary of study.

With all that collegiate effort, combined with genes and tremendous stress, I crashed. I was met with cognitive dehabilitation for quite some time. So, after recuperation time following that oppressive Bachelors degree, I ended 'Learning 101', and entered' Doing 101' in my endeavors. This helps me fight the super evil mutants, "Relapse" and "Cognitive Dissonance". Yay, real life X-Men moment! Song, dance, art, story-writing, designing = bliss!

On another note, I love the line from It's a Wonderful Life when Violet asks George "George, don't you ever get tired of just reading about things?". Yes. Yes. Poor Violet, though, missed out. She should have ~

Gone out in the fields and taken off her shoes and walked through the grass, gone up to the falls, (beautiful in the moonlight), and swam in the green pool up there, then climbed Mt. Bedford, and smelled the pines, and watched the sunrise against the peaks, and so forth.

There's only so much I could take with passionless reading and testing ~ college was like a vice around my neck. Being able to make things, now that is the wonderful life. But, no offense to those who like their degrees. It just wasn't my cup of tea.

Some excerpts from:
Artists with Schizophrenia and Schizophrenic Art: A Window into Other Realities

There have been many artists with schizophrenia over the centuries, although not as many examples of schizophrenic art exist as, say, bipolar or depressive art. High intelligence and creativity often accompany mental disorders, and schizophrenia is no exception.
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Artists with Schizophrenia: Painters, Writers, and Mathematicians ~ While schizophrenia often prevents people from reaching their full potential, artists with schizophrenia have produced ground-breaking work. Edgar Allan Poe's grim, haunting tales may be schizophrenic art. Schizophrenics have also made contributions to science: mathematician John Nash is perhaps the most notable example. Some argue that the genetics responsible for schizophrenia are closely connected to creativity. Although not schizophrenic themselves, both Albert Einstein and James Joyce were the father's of schizophrenic children.
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Artists with Schizophrenia Today ~ Today there are many groups dedicated to schizophrenic art, and artists with schizophrenia can find both audiences and markets for their work. Art is often used as therapy for schizophrenics. Perhaps the ability to visually express themselves allows artists with schizophrenia to share their perceptions of reality with others.

<3 Rhiannon

art

expression

♠ perfection can be attained once expectations and bewilderment are conquered ~ Rhiannon ♠
♦ the catalyst for the proliferation of sloppy science is the breakdown of respect for methodology ~ Rhiannon ♦
♥ all you need is a sense of humor; love sure helps, too ~ Rhiannon ♥

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Rhiannon

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